joy is a choice.

Today was one of those days...one of those days when, while reading a well-known verse in Scripture, one I would usually just skim over, it, instead, punched me in the face.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  --2 Thessalonians 5:16-18

As soon as I read those words, I felt this overwhelming conviction.  “Rejoice always"..."pray without ceasing"..."in everything give thanks."  I am 0 for 3.  I do not rejoice always, I do not pray without ceasing, and I definitely do not give thanks in all circumstances. As many times as I have heard or read these verses, it was as though I was reading them for the very first time.  The reason that Paul could write these things is because he knew that, in Christ, we CAN do all three. This is what separates us from those that are lost--we can stare any circumstance, any trial, or any difficulty in the face and rejoice in the middle of it because our joy is not dependent upon our circumstances. Our hope is in Christ, and He promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His good purpose.  When I tell God that my life is His, when I pray to be used and to be shaped into Christ’s likeness, I have to be prepared for Him to answer that prayer in any way that will bring Him the most glory. Paul understood this...that is why he could write: "I have learned the secret of being content in all circumstances..."

I CAN pray without ceasing!  Christ's death & resurrection gave me access to the Father in prayer, but how often do I take this for granted?  How little do I recognize the power and the privilege of praying to the God of the Universe?  I don't recognize what it cost Christ for me to have this privilege I take for granted every day.

I CAN not only rejoice in every circumstance, but I can give thanks for it.  To be very honest, this is something I have struggled with so much lately--especially this semester.  The past three months have been so difficult, yet hard to explain as most of the challenge has been internal. Yes, there have been some major external trials, but most of all, God has been dealing with my heart--pruning me, refining me, and it has just been painful. But, as I am writing this, and as this verse reminded me today--my attitude should be one, not of self-pity, not of anger and resentment, but one of gratitude. James writes, “Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Philippians 1:6 is one of my absolutely favorite verses. It says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus…”  Everything that God does, for my good, is more importantly for His glory. I can trust His heart. I can be grateful that He loves me too much to leave me as I am.  I can thank Him for sanctifying me and perfecting me so that I can bring Him more honor.

Anyway, the application that I have gleaned from all of this is that joy is a choice, and that choice is determined when I decide where I am going to place my focus. When I focus on my own circumstances, my own desires, my own comfort, I will always be discontented.  I choose to fix my eyes on Christ, that He will keep my heart in perfect Peace, and give me a irrepressible joy that no trial can take away. 

"Joy is not gush. Joy is not mere jolliness. Joy is perfect acquiesance, acceptance, rest, in God's will, whatever comes." --Amy Carmichael

<3 Kelly

the abundant life.

"...I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly..." --John 10:10

What would life be like if we had no reservations, no restraints, no fears, no hang-ups, no doubts? How much different would my faith journey be if my eyes were fixed always on Christ, and not on my own insecurities? What would it be like if we lived faith instead of just talked about it? What would happen if "reckless abandon" became more than a cliché phrase, but became characteristic of our lives…of my life?

I believe this is the life Jesus talks about in John 10:10—the abundant life.  A life fully armored against Satan’s attempts to steal, kill, and destroy our joy, contentment, satisfaction, identity, and purpose. Satan always breaks his “promises.” Jesus never does. And, the promise of abundant life is ours...it is mine.

The other day, I was in a conversation with a friend, and in the midst of it, my friend pointed out something about my character that alarmed me, something that I have never realized before.  "Kelly, you never let anyone get too close," my friend said.  And, while my first response was to become defensive, at least in my spirit, upon reflection...my friend was absolutely right.  So often the walls come up when things get too personal, too "close to home," or too vulnerable.   

I say this only because I know that I am not alone.  Satan's attacks may vary from person to person--but his aim is always to cripple us.  Satan does not want us to catch even a glimpse of the wonderfully abundant life that God has in store for us, not just in Heaven, but right here...right now.  He has designed for us to experience an abundance of power, of joy, of community and relationships, of grace, of mercy, and of love.  I want to experience life for all that He desires for it to be--without masks, without hindrances...just free.

This morning I read again the story of Mary & Martha.  I have felt a pull this year between those two women more than ever before in my life--and I must say, my natural inclination is always to "do."  But, I believe, before we can ever experience life in abundance, we have to learn to develop the priority of just sitting & being.  We must be able to look at all that must be done and all that seems urgent and say, "He’s better."  It all comes down to this one thing--worship.  What am I going to worship?  Will I worship Him or my own insecurities?  Him or my own fears?  Him or my doubts?  Him or my to-do list?

It is so hard for us to grasp all that is available for us as believers if we would but recieve it!  There is nothing we could ever do to deserve or to earn it.  We've only to accept it, to worship Him...and then to walk in the abundant life that He offers us.

<3 Kelly

in loving memory.

David Covington (1959-2009)

With his first grandson, Carter Ryan

What changes just one week can bring. Last week at this time, I was helping my RD, Emily, with RA Exposure weekend...completely unaware that, by the end of the night, I would get a message to call home. My uncle's house was on fire & he was, at that time, unaccounted for. The fire department was unable to give any definite news, but had prompted my mom & her sister to go and prepare my grandparents for the worst. My stomach dropped, and I rushed back to my room to wait for the final phone call that I knew was coming. My roommate, Jillian, sat with me while I cried, prayed, and waited. When the phone call did come, I immediately went home. By the time I arrived in Appomattox, it was around 1:30 am, and most of my family was already at my grandparent's home. I firmly believe that there is one emotion that is stronger and more painful than one's own grief, and that is the helplessness of watching those you love most in the world endure it.

What a tremendously difficult week it has been...but, over the course of it, I have gained a deep love & appreciation for the body of Christ like never before. Our church family has been ministering to my cousins, my grandparents, my mom & her sister in countless ways. The love, support, and compassion poured out on them has been overwhelming--I cannot even begin to describe it except to say that the church has been the church. David's funeral was on Wednesday...and it was beautiful. He had no idea how many people loved him and cared for him. The praise team sang "Go Rest High" which was one of his favorite songs. It was so meaningful...and I know that is exactly what David is doing...resting in the arms of the Most High.

There is so much else I could say or share, but the bottom line is: much intercession is needed. My heart is so heavy for all my family, but especially for my cousin, John. The situation regarding my uncle & his death is one that I cannot comprehend. This was not the answer my family wanted or was expecting to the prayers we have been praying for him. And, yet, I have to remind myself that, every day, God works in ways that confound us. And so, we must trust. We must hold on to hope.

I have a picture of hope that I have been clinging to this entire week. My mom is the executor of my uncle's estate, and so, last Sunday, she & I got permission from the police to search the house for any possible undestroyed papers, documents, anything that could help begin the process of taking care of the final details. This was, emotionally, one of the hardest things I have ever done. The house was basically a shell--and most of the interior was completely destroyed. In my uncle's bedroom, even things hidden in drawers had been melted and charred, yet, as we searched, we came across a Bible sitting on his bedside table. And outside of the layer of ash covering it, was remarkably intact. Sitting there on the floor, holding that Bible, all I could think was...in the most tragic moments of our lives...our Hope is always preserved. No flame can touch it. It is the reality of our Living Hope that is my family's deepest comfort...and we know & believe His promise that all things work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His good purpose. And, while I know that we will continue to grieve, we have to trust our God whose ways are perfect, and who, I absolutely believe is, even now, creating beauty from the ashes.

David is, right now, delighting in the beauty of God's presence...and we could have no greater prayer for him than that.

"I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."

--Jeremiah 31:13

"...and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes...there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain."

--Revelation 21:4

David & I the day of my high school graduation.  He was a car salesman & I had been joking with him about bringing me home a convertible as a graduation gift.  He actually brought me this one from the lot & the two of us drove it all around town...I was at least able to pretend it was mine for a little while!  This is one of my sweetest memories.

going, going...

SO glad that's over with!

It is incredibly hard to believe that yet another year of college is over. Four years...complete. This year, particularly this semester, flew by at a much quicker pace than I remember of any other semester. I guess it is true what they say...the older you get, the faster time flies! This past year was a busy one, especially the last few months as I have been preparing for my senior recital which, I finally performed last Monday night. I can honestly say that I have never been so nervous for any one thing in my entire life! It is no secret that I do not and have never enjoyed performing for the sake of performance. I always hated recitals, festivals, etc. in high school...and have hated them in college even more! I much prefer to be in the background, accompanying or playing for worship. But, alas, the senior recital is a degree requirement and the capstone that music majors work toward throughout their four years of college.

Anyway, though I have dreaded it, the Lord has really used this entire experience to teach me in a personal way throughout the preparation process.  Perfectionism and pleasing people are two things that I struggle with most, and because of this, so many times as I have been practicing, I have just wanted to kick myself for not getting it right, for making the same mistakes and having to drill all over again. Anyway, nerves have also been a setback, especially in the past month as I saw the time ticking away & knew for sure that I was going to walk in the recital hall, sit at the piano, forget everything I have ever learned, and have to get up & walk back out! But, the Lord is faithful--even in the really minor things that seem so major at the time. Anyway, the day of my recital, my roommate, MeQuel, & I (MeQuel, who, by the way, earned many jewels on her crown for living with me through this past weekend. I was a nervous wreck!) went down around five o'clock because I had to do a sound check and just needed a little moral support. Anyway, after the sound check, I was waiting in one of my professor's offices while people were walking in.  During this time, I felt an overwhelming anxiety that I knew was not from the Lord. I knew my motives and my heart were completely focused on myself and my own pride...and so I just shut the door and prayed very simply that He woul help me revert my focus from myself and my own pride to bringing Him pleasure and glory.  Anyway, when I came out for the first set, I sat down at the piano & I felt a complete wash of peace. The nerves were gone.

In the grand scheme of enternity, Kelly's senior recital is ridiculously insignificant, but yet, He was there with me...I felt His peace...and His pleasure. I so wish that my mindset had been on His glory and not on my own pride throughout this entire process. But, I learned such a vital lesson. I want everything in my life to bring Him pleasure...starting with the little things that nobody ever sees, all the way to the most visible parts of my life. And, I believe His pleasure is felt when our spirit in humbled, when we have removed ourselves from whatever pedastal we have sought, and are seeking only to glorify Him. The position of humility is a difficult, and sadly, a rare one for us...I know it is for me. It is so contrary to our human nature, but I want to be a person of humility, for my attitude to be the same as Christ Jesus who being in very nature God, considered Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant. When pride begins to well up within me, I want Him to humble me, to help me take my eyes off of Kelly and fix them on Him, just as He did last Monday. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." I want this passage to be a description of my life.

Anyway, I must admit, the best part of the whole night was playing the last chord and knowing that it was over & I could wrap it up, get out of that ridiculous dress, and go eat! :) Another really positive thing was that my recital was audio-recorded as well as video-recorded, so I had a great gift for Mother's Day!

On a nother note, I am really excited for next year. Number one--I won't have 4 hours of daily piano practice because I have now basically finished my Bachelor of Music degree! But, because I am double-majoring, I am going to be at Liberty for a fifth year finishing up my other degree. I'm just not ready to leave!  I love this place, and I could never thank the Lord enough for being so good to me and bringing me here the way He did. I hope that it all goes by slowly...

<3 Kelly