going, going...

SO glad that's over with!

It is incredibly hard to believe that yet another year of college is over. Four years...complete. This year, particularly this semester, flew by at a much quicker pace than I remember of any other semester. I guess it is true what they say...the older you get, the faster time flies! This past year was a busy one, especially the last few months as I have been preparing for my senior recital which, I finally performed last Monday night. I can honestly say that I have never been so nervous for any one thing in my entire life! It is no secret that I do not and have never enjoyed performing for the sake of performance. I always hated recitals, festivals, etc. in high school...and have hated them in college even more! I much prefer to be in the background, accompanying or playing for worship. But, alas, the senior recital is a degree requirement and the capstone that music majors work toward throughout their four years of college.

Anyway, though I have dreaded it, the Lord has really used this entire experience to teach me in a personal way throughout the preparation process.  Perfectionism and pleasing people are two things that I struggle with most, and because of this, so many times as I have been practicing, I have just wanted to kick myself for not getting it right, for making the same mistakes and having to drill all over again. Anyway, nerves have also been a setback, especially in the past month as I saw the time ticking away & knew for sure that I was going to walk in the recital hall, sit at the piano, forget everything I have ever learned, and have to get up & walk back out! But, the Lord is faithful--even in the really minor things that seem so major at the time. Anyway, the day of my recital, my roommate, MeQuel, & I (MeQuel, who, by the way, earned many jewels on her crown for living with me through this past weekend. I was a nervous wreck!) went down around five o'clock because I had to do a sound check and just needed a little moral support. Anyway, after the sound check, I was waiting in one of my professor's offices while people were walking in.  During this time, I felt an overwhelming anxiety that I knew was not from the Lord. I knew my motives and my heart were completely focused on myself and my own pride...and so I just shut the door and prayed very simply that He woul help me revert my focus from myself and my own pride to bringing Him pleasure and glory.  Anyway, when I came out for the first set, I sat down at the piano & I felt a complete wash of peace. The nerves were gone.

In the grand scheme of enternity, Kelly's senior recital is ridiculously insignificant, but yet, He was there with me...I felt His peace...and His pleasure. I so wish that my mindset had been on His glory and not on my own pride throughout this entire process. But, I learned such a vital lesson. I want everything in my life to bring Him pleasure...starting with the little things that nobody ever sees, all the way to the most visible parts of my life. And, I believe His pleasure is felt when our spirit in humbled, when we have removed ourselves from whatever pedastal we have sought, and are seeking only to glorify Him. The position of humility is a difficult, and sadly, a rare one for us...I know it is for me. It is so contrary to our human nature, but I want to be a person of humility, for my attitude to be the same as Christ Jesus who being in very nature God, considered Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant. When pride begins to well up within me, I want Him to humble me, to help me take my eyes off of Kelly and fix them on Him, just as He did last Monday. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." I want this passage to be a description of my life.

Anyway, I must admit, the best part of the whole night was playing the last chord and knowing that it was over & I could wrap it up, get out of that ridiculous dress, and go eat! :) Another really positive thing was that my recital was audio-recorded as well as video-recorded, so I had a great gift for Mother's Day!

On a nother note, I am really excited for next year. Number one--I won't have 4 hours of daily piano practice because I have now basically finished my Bachelor of Music degree! But, because I am double-majoring, I am going to be at Liberty for a fifth year finishing up my other degree. I'm just not ready to leave!  I love this place, and I could never thank the Lord enough for being so good to me and bringing me here the way He did. I hope that it all goes by slowly...

<3 Kelly