Tuesday, October 25, 2011
remind me who I am.
When I lose my way
When I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
is who I don’t wanna be
Remind me who I am
In the loneliest places
When I can’t remember what grace is
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You
When my heart is like a stone
and I’m running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can’t receive Your love
Afraid I’ll never be enough
Remind me who I am
If I’m Your beloved
Can You help me believe it
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
I belong to You
To You
I’m the one You love
I’m the one You love
That will be enough
I’m the one You love
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
Tell me once again who I am to You
Who I am to You
Tell me
Lest I forget who I am to You
That I belong to You
To You
To You
-Jason Gray/Remind Me Who I Am
Sunday, October 23, 2011
angry.
Currently, my church, Liberty Baptist, has been going through the Sunday night sermon series, “Good ‘N Angry.” The series, obviously, centers around the topic of addressing and dealing with anger. Now, to be quite honest, last week I left church thinking the following: "this really doesn’t apply to me"..."I don’t really ever get angry"..."I don’t lash out at people, I don’t throw fits"..."I'm just not an angry person.”
Tonight, my thoughts were quite the opposite.
Tonight, I left realizing that for the past 2.5 years, I have fed the root of bitterness until it has developed into a shoot of pure anger just waiting for the perfect moment to blossom.
I’m angry at God.
I’m angry that He hasn’t answered specific prayers in the ways that I have wanted.
I’m angry that He has shut doors in my face that I wanted opened.
I’m angry because I have felt “stuck” in my current circumstances.
And I’m angry because I feel like He has given other people blessings, relationships, fulfilled dreams, purpose, clarity...and yet not me.
I’m angry at others.
I’m angry because I feel like I've been put in a box.
I'm angry becasue I feel like nobody understands "the real me."
I’m angry because I feel like I strive to encourage others, yet don't feel encouraged in return.
I’m angry because I feel used - and only valued when I'm "needed."
And I’m angry because I feel invisible.
I’m angry at myself.
I’m angry because I feel like a failure.
I’m angry because I am nowhere near where I’d envisioned I would be at 25.
I'm angry because I feel that despite my hard work, it wasn't enough.
I'm angry because I feel like I'm not enough.
I'm angry because I feel selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed.
And I'm angry because...well, I'm angry.
And for over two years, I have stuffed all this anger down deep...way down deep, yet little by little, with every closed door, every discouraged moment, and each feeling of invisibility, the anger has released itself as tears…falling one by one, evidence of a hardening, angry heart.
And so there you have it.
I’m angry.
So, why, you might ask – am I airing this very personal revelation on the Internet? Isn’t this the kind of thing you save for a diary or something? For that matter, isn't anger BAD?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
I'm airing my junk out right here on the Internet because I know that I am not the only person who has ever been angry at God, at others, or at themselves. I know that at least one of the two people who actually reads my blog has been angry at some point. And, so, for you, Reader, I write to encourage you - that anger, left unchecked to grow and fester, will leave you isolated, handicapped, and bitter.
This in mind, tonight I sat down and wrote, in specifics, each situation, each person, and each personal struggle that I believe has contributed to my anger. Leaving no rock unturned, I composed a much lengthier list that I would ever like to admit. And when my list was complete, I ripped it up.
And then I flushed it down the toilet.
Yes, you read that right, I flushed it down the toilet (And you can, too!)
Now, I'm clearly not on the other side of this one yet.
But, I am believing God for that other side. I'm believing God to redeem my anger, and to channel it into a reflective practice that challenges the jealousy, insecurity, fear, and doubt that have fueled my anger, and I'm believing God to renew my mind with biblical truth.
And if you are angry, Reader, I challenge you to believe God for these things, too.
Because He is not afraid of our anger.
Because God can handle our anger.
Because God wants to take our anger...and replace it with grace.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30
Tonight, my thoughts were quite the opposite.
Tonight, I left realizing that for the past 2.5 years, I have fed the root of bitterness until it has developed into a shoot of pure anger just waiting for the perfect moment to blossom.
I’m angry at God.
I’m angry that He hasn’t answered specific prayers in the ways that I have wanted.
I’m angry that He has shut doors in my face that I wanted opened.
I’m angry because I have felt “stuck” in my current circumstances.
And I’m angry because I feel like He has given other people blessings, relationships, fulfilled dreams, purpose, clarity...and yet not me.
I’m angry at others.
I’m angry because I feel like I've been put in a box.
I'm angry becasue I feel like nobody understands "the real me."
I’m angry because I feel like I strive to encourage others, yet don't feel encouraged in return.
I’m angry because I feel used - and only valued when I'm "needed."
And I’m angry because I feel invisible.
I’m angry at myself.
I’m angry because I feel like a failure.
I’m angry because I am nowhere near where I’d envisioned I would be at 25.
I'm angry because I feel that despite my hard work, it wasn't enough.
I'm angry because I feel like I'm not enough.
I'm angry because I feel selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed.
And I'm angry because...well, I'm angry.
And for over two years, I have stuffed all this anger down deep...way down deep, yet little by little, with every closed door, every discouraged moment, and each feeling of invisibility, the anger has released itself as tears…falling one by one, evidence of a hardening, angry heart.
And so there you have it.
I’m angry.
So, why, you might ask – am I airing this very personal revelation on the Internet? Isn’t this the kind of thing you save for a diary or something? For that matter, isn't anger BAD?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
I'm airing my junk out right here on the Internet because I know that I am not the only person who has ever been angry at God, at others, or at themselves. I know that at least one of the two people who actually reads my blog has been angry at some point. And, so, for you, Reader, I write to encourage you - that anger, left unchecked to grow and fester, will leave you isolated, handicapped, and bitter.
This in mind, tonight I sat down and wrote, in specifics, each situation, each person, and each personal struggle that I believe has contributed to my anger. Leaving no rock unturned, I composed a much lengthier list that I would ever like to admit. And when my list was complete, I ripped it up.
And then I flushed it down the toilet.
Yes, you read that right, I flushed it down the toilet (And you can, too!)
Now, I'm clearly not on the other side of this one yet.
But, I am believing God for that other side. I'm believing God to redeem my anger, and to channel it into a reflective practice that challenges the jealousy, insecurity, fear, and doubt that have fueled my anger, and I'm believing God to renew my mind with biblical truth.
And if you are angry, Reader, I challenge you to believe God for these things, too.
Because He is not afraid of our anger.
Because God can handle our anger.
Because God wants to take our anger...and replace it with grace.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
25 lessons on living well.
In honor of my 25th birthday, I thought I would compile a list of life lessons I have learned...gradually...over the years. Many, the hard & bumpy way. Here's hoping this will bring some encouragement and challenge to you today, Reader, to not just live, but live well.
(1) To quote Bob (the Tomato) & Larry (the Cucumber), "God made me special, and He loves me very much." Dear Reader, He made you special, too, and loves you to death. Literally.
(2) Leadership, as summed up by John Piper: "The aim of leadership is not to demonstrate the superiority of the leader, but to bring out all the strengths of people." Leadership...well, it just isn't about me.
(5) Redemption happens everyday. Grace really is enough for me.
(6) Rest is as absolutely essential to my relationship with God as any other spiritual discipline.
(7) As far as family goes, well, I am just very blessed.
(8) An Americano with a shot of vanilla & some half/half is almost as good as a latte, and about $1.50 cheaper.
(9) Chase the dream. God planted it in you for a reason. Don't squelch it. Don't deny it. And, don't fear it.
(10) Narrow the focus: It is better to be an inch wide and a mile deep, that a mile wide and an inch deep.
(11) The Gospel is the answer to every problem I'll ever face in this life.
(12) Keep the main thing the main thing (and the main thing ain't me!). I would rather die a faithful "nobody" to this world, than an unfaithful "somebody."
(13) Money doesn't grow on trees. Oh, were that it did...
(14) Feeling inadequate in what you do? Don't sulk, don't pout - get better.
(15) Dear single Christian, enjoy this time...value it...it is not a punishment from God...it is a gift.
(16) Sometimes, you just need a quick run in the rain.
(17) Preparation precedes opportunity.
(18) Integrity beats talent...every time. If not at first, then eventually.
(19) Treasure the time with your loved ones before you find yourself wishing you had treasured it.
(20) Oh, that pesky humility: "Humility is not something you have until humbling yourself is something you do." -Beth Moore / /Do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not. -Jeremiah 45:5 // Jesus came as a baby in a manger...worked as a carpenter... and "took on the very nature of a servant."
(21) The minute you look next door at your neighbor's life, is the minute you lose sight of the Savior. He has a unique plan for me.
(22) "Follow your heart" is absolutely THE worst advice anyone could ever give you. Your heart is decpetively wicked above all things. Follow Christ, because he is greater than your heart.
(23) Love is patient, love is kind...it is not rude nor self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Let's love like this.
(24) Patience is a virtue. Sometimes, God just says wait.
(25) And, lastly, live the moment, don't always long for the past or wish for the future. Just enjoy the here and now. It will be gone all too soon.
(1) To quote Bob (the Tomato) & Larry (the Cucumber), "God made me special, and He loves me very much." Dear Reader, He made you special, too, and loves you to death. Literally.
(2) Leadership, as summed up by John Piper: "The aim of leadership is not to demonstrate the superiority of the leader, but to bring out all the strengths of people." Leadership...well, it just isn't about me.
(3) One of the most significant things I can do in a day is to encourage someone to keep going & to never quit...starting with myself.
(4) Wondering what the difference between regular vanilla & french vanilla ice cream is? It's eggs! Who knew?
(5) Redemption happens everyday. Grace really is enough for me.
(6) Rest is as absolutely essential to my relationship with God as any other spiritual discipline.
(7) As far as family goes, well, I am just very blessed.
(8) An Americano with a shot of vanilla & some half/half is almost as good as a latte, and about $1.50 cheaper.
(9) Chase the dream. God planted it in you for a reason. Don't squelch it. Don't deny it. And, don't fear it.
(10) Narrow the focus: It is better to be an inch wide and a mile deep, that a mile wide and an inch deep.
(11) The Gospel is the answer to every problem I'll ever face in this life.
(12) Keep the main thing the main thing (and the main thing ain't me!). I would rather die a faithful "nobody" to this world, than an unfaithful "somebody."
(13) Money doesn't grow on trees. Oh, were that it did...
(14) Feeling inadequate in what you do? Don't sulk, don't pout - get better.
(15) Dear single Christian, enjoy this time...value it...it is not a punishment from God...it is a gift.
(16) Sometimes, you just need a quick run in the rain.
(17) Preparation precedes opportunity.
(18) Integrity beats talent...every time. If not at first, then eventually.
(19) Treasure the time with your loved ones before you find yourself wishing you had treasured it.
(20) Oh, that pesky humility: "Humility is not something you have until humbling yourself is something you do." -Beth Moore / /Do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not. -Jeremiah 45:5 // Jesus came as a baby in a manger...worked as a carpenter... and "took on the very nature of a servant."
(21) The minute you look next door at your neighbor's life, is the minute you lose sight of the Savior. He has a unique plan for me.
(22) "Follow your heart" is absolutely THE worst advice anyone could ever give you. Your heart is decpetively wicked above all things. Follow Christ, because he is greater than your heart.
(23) Love is patient, love is kind...it is not rude nor self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Let's love like this.
(24) Patience is a virtue. Sometimes, God just says wait.
(25) And, lastly, live the moment, don't always long for the past or wish for the future. Just enjoy the here and now. It will be gone all too soon.
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