It has been one of those nights. You know the kind. The kind where, for whatever reason, it feels like the bottom has fallen out…again. You know that part of it is because of your own selfishness, part of it jealousy, but the truth of the matter is, the discontentment you’ve attempted to bury deep inside (because you know that, as a Christian, you’re “not supposed” to feel discontent) has risen like a geyser from the deep places where you’ve kept it hidden.
And you’re tired of waiting on God.
Tired of attempting to take action, but not knowing how to look or where to look or what that even means.
Tired of feeling confused, in limbo, and completely alone.
Tired of feeling lost.
Okay, maybe I’m the only one.
But, with the unlocked storehouse of discontentment, other hidden sins arise in tandem - anxiety, fear, jealousy, and confusion, all cycling furiously like a tornado in my mind. And, in their midst, little whispers, ones I’ve heard many times before, speak out again:
“You just don’t have what it takes. Just settle.”
“You will never amount to anything. Stop trying.”
“You are not smart enough for those dreams. Don’t chase them.”
“You will never be pretty enough...or thin enough. Just face it.”
“You’re not worth getting to know. Don’t let them try.”
“You’re simply not brave enough. Play it safe.”
And for a few moments, I let myself believe each and every one.
I was one of those kids that “grew up in church.” I’ve been a Christian since July 31, 1997. But I’ve been in church since conception. And it feels like, since that very moment, my lifelong struggle has been believing the whispers. Hating the whispers, but never knowing what to say to make them go away. What to do, what to read, who to talk to. Feeling that 14 years of being a Christian should have “taught me by now” how to shut them down? Or, quite frankly, to not hear them at all?
But tonight was different.
In a court of law, an accused man is entitled to a proper defense. And in the case of the innocent, that defense consists of little more than simply presenting the Truth.
Tonight, as I lay curled in the fetal position, I imagined the Father holding me, stroking my hair as He presented His Truth, in my defense, not as a whisper, but as a firm declaration:
She will always have “what it takes” because it is I who works in her to will and to act according to My good purpose. (Phil. 2:13)
She can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens her. (Phil. 4:13)
My divine power has given her everything she needs for life and godliness through her knowledge of Me. (2 Peter 1:3)
She is My handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for her to do. (Eph. 2:10)
She is altogether beautiful…there is not one flaw within her. (Song of Solomon 4:7)
She is fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
I have not given her a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, of power, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
And with his gentle declarations over me, the storm ceases. The peacefulness of my heart is restored. My joy returns. The whispers fade.
Because, what I have learned is that His voice is the only one that drowns out the whispers.
His voice exposes them for what they really are:
Just lies.
